I'm taking a break from my regular fashion programming to bring you an important Public Service Announcement:
Hi Citizens of the Earth,
Lately, there seems to be a lot of talk on the internet about what cats do when you aren't looking or what they are up to while you are at work. I've even seen some helpful articles on how to tell if your cat is plotting to kill you. If all this fear mongering makes you nervous, fear not! I have 5 reasons why cats will never take over the world!
1. Cats can be driven to complete distraction with impenetrable focus if they come in contact with tape. All we would need is to make a fence out of double sided tape and we'd be sure to win! It would be the cheapest war ever.
2. Cats are mortified or even horrified by the slightest sprinkle of water. Again, we would never run out of funding for this war because everyone already owns a squirt bottle.
3. Cats sleep or "rest" for about 22 hours each day. While they are napping, we'd be plotting!
4. In addition, we'd probably never have to fight them. If they ever formed a front against us, we could just walk up, poke their paws a few times and they'd get annoyed and walk away.
5. Lastly, we would never run out of support for this war, because it would be the most ethical war ever fought! (At least on our side. If cats ever caught us, they'd eat us ... after batting us around for a while). Forget using Enhanced Interrogation Techniques, just put on a protective bodysuit, and institute "Mandatory Snuggle Time". After about 2 minutes of hugging, a cat will tell you anything you want to know.
In fact, the only real thing that scares me about cats, their one master move, is comonly known as "The Big Eyed Stare". This is where they hypnotize you with big, cute eyes and you are unable to do anything but give in. (Jeez, I'm about ready to give the cat below anything it wants and it's not even mine!)
A close cousin to this move is "The Blindingly Cute Attack" (as illustrated by the cats below). Be careful, this move can come out of no where and last for hours!
Well, ladies and gents, I hope you found this article helpful. Remember, if the Cat-Apocalypse ever comes just keep those squirt bottles and tape handy and you'll be fine!
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